Patrick's day shopping trip
This one doesn't seem to fit into any of the listed dares so I guess here is as good a place as any to post it, so if you're sitting comfortabliy then I'll begin.
Think back to St. Patrick's day of this year (2008). Here in the UK it was something of a cold night, freezing even. Paddy's is quite possibly one of the most celebrated saints days although it has nothing to do with the religious context: the Irish are famous for drinking and guiness, both of which are celebrated to excess.
In view of this a group of us had been celebrating all evening long in the local bars and the party then moved on to one of the flats that we thought was adequately stocked with beer to get us through another few hours. We'd dramatically underestimated the amount of beer we were capable of drinking however and, by 2.30am stocks were getting pretty low (only the cider left and I prefer not to drink it if I can avoid doing so.)
In view of this I announced I was off to get some more lager which raised howls of laughter: "You've got no chance! They stop selling alcohol at 1!"
I thought about this for a couple of minutes, a little disillusioned, then had what, in my rather drunken state, seemed like a brilliant idea. "I bet you lot they'd serve me if I turned up naked," I challenged them.
The main reply went along the lines of: "You wouldn't dare, it's freezing out there!" but I'm not that easily put off; the clothes hit the floor and I grabbed a few quid to pay for the beer and out the door I went.
Well, they were right about one thing, it really was bitingly cold and the wind didn't help. Thankfully the street was deadly quiet, not a car on the road as I crossed and headed towards the shop.
After a minutes walking the frigid air blowing over me paled into insignificance compared to the freezing cold of the floor but I put that out of mind as I rounded the bend in the road that would reveal the shop front.
My heart skipped a beat, then another. There was someone at the serving window. It was too late to turn back now though: they were looking in my direction as I came round the bend so doing a quick about turn would of been noticed. Instead I brazenly walked up, smiled at her and joined the 'queue'.
Both her and the guy serving stared at me so I figured an explanation was in order, "You'll have to excuse my dress sense: I'm on a dare, and no, I'm not allowed to cover myself." She laughed and the keeper shook his head.
Once she'd been served she just stepped back to watch me make my purchase so I stepped forwards, "8 cans of Carling please." The reply was predictable I suppose, "Sorry sir but we stopped selling alcohol at 1."
Well I couldn't go back empty handed; everyone would think I bottled it and just hid near the flat for a while. There followed a 5 minute discussion which the original customer watched with great amusement as I tried to convince the guy I needed the beer or I would have a worse dare to do. His till wouldn't allow him to sell it though. Eventually I settled for a pack of coke cans instead, the girl in stitches by this point. As I set off back she shouted to me, "I'd love to see what your punishment is!"
I got laughed at even more when I got back to the party with soft drinks in hand (not to mention the soft and shrivelled equipment below the waist!) My clothes were nowhere to be seen either and when I asked where'd they'd gone I was told in no uncertain terms that I'd bet them I'd be able to get the lager and I hadn't. They advised me to get warm in front of the fire which I did whilst resigning myself to drinking cider.
Twenty minutes later I was obviously noticably warmed up so someone grinned and announced, "Well, we shouldn't waste the coke I guess so we may as well have a smoke; going to need some munchies for afterwards though. Who votes G goes to get them?" Unanimous vote for, then, "Off you go - get a bunch of marathons." As some cash was chucked at me.
Oh well, I'd done it once and it wasn't that big a problem so off I went. The wind was just as biting and the pavement just as cold.
That, however, was the end of the similarities. As I rounded the bend I could see a queue of almost a dozen people at the shop. Oh crap! Nightclubs must have emptied! My stomach lurched and my heart almost stopped. Nothing to do but put on a brave face and stroll on up there.
I was spotted approaching from a couple hundred yards away and got laughs, applause, whistles "Oh my Gods" all the way. I desperately fought the urge to cover myself and managed to win the battle, joining the back of what used to be a queue and was now a full blown audience of two guys and the rest women.
They wanted to know what I was doing so I explained that because I'd failed an earlier dare to buy beer I now had to come back for chocolate. It broke the ice nicely and every woman produced a camera phone and started snapping away. I obliged by posing for them for a while then thought I probably looked like a total prat and stopped doing that.
Things settled down a little but the cameras stayed out as, unbelievably slowly, people got served then had nothing better to do than stand around grinning at me. Cars and taxis drove by, horns blaring and after what seemed like 10 minutes I was only half way to the serving hatch but at least I was happily chatting to people.
One of the girls took out her cigarettes and, feeling pretty cocky by then, I asked her for one. I was somewhat amazed that she actually gave me one and lit it for me.
A few more spaces closer to getting served and I asked another of the girls if I could have her Patrick's day Guiness hat and again got a yes.
In all this time there'd only been one bad reaction from some bloke that just walked past, practically snarling at me as he did. Eventually I reached the window, ordered my chocolate and paid. There was time for one more photocall then off I went to more cheers and whistles.
Back at the party everyone was worried that I'd been gone so long then blown away that I'd managed to source a hat as well. I was stuck back in front of the fire to warm up but still not allowed my clothes back - I could have them when the party was over (which turned out to be about 7am when I woke up, sprawled in the middle of the room and covered in ciggy ash and stale cider. Told you cider didn't agree with me!)
---- The end.
There's definately photo evidence of this trip out there - actually on facebook I've been told - but I don't know how to search for images on facebook. If anyone knows then let me know and I can give you some key phrases that should help find them.
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Date: 07:05pm April 28th, 2008
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