I had a lovely holiday this past weekend, but unfortunately it didn't start quite so well. However it did create an entertaining story, which I'm pretty certain folks here will enjoy.
So, I arrive at the airport, do all the boring check in stuff and wander around to the passport control et al, along with the millions of other travelers passing through Gatwick Airport. Get to the metal detectors and of course have to empty out my pockets and all that jazz, again as per normal. I dump all my stuff into the baskets for the X-ray scanner and, having a big metal belt buckle, have to loose my belt as well. Now, my jeans are a little loose, but it's no big deal, as I can hold them up as I walk through the metal scanner and then grab my belt on the other side, so I walk on thru.
As I get to the other side of the detector I suddenly realise I've been an utter fool and my camera is still in my waistcoat pocket, which is clearly what has set the detector off. I explain this to the friendly security guard and he tells me it's fine, just have to put the camera through the X-ray along with my shoes. Not a problem me thinks, as they're not lace up, so I could easily enough hold my jeans up with one hand while pulling them off and sticking them on the belt.
With my shoes and camera being happily x-rayed it's apparently my turn next and I have to step into the body scanner thing, which is when I hear the dreaded words. "Please put your hands over your head." It was at this point I was really glad I was wearing the jeans I was. The ones I'd been wearing the previous day were about two sizes too big and would already be around my ankles. I comply with the instructions and feel my jeans give a little, hugging around my hips, just enough to make me curse going commando that day, but certainly not revealing anything.
As I'm ordered to step out of the scanner I reach down to tug my jeans back up, but I'm told I need to keep my hands over my head as he begins to run the security wand over me, obviously being super efficient. Obviously I was a little nervous knowing how low my jeans were hugging and I'm pretty certain had I not been wearing a shirt the top of my ass crack would be pretty clearly on show, but still I was fine.
I'm pretty certain if you've read this far you know exactly where this story is about to go, and you're right. The guard starts patting me down, arms first, then torso, waist.... at which point he bends down in front of me. Turns out all my jeans needed was the slightest of touches because as soon as he started to pat down my legs they slipped. I rather suddenly found myself stood with my jeans around my ankles, my ass on clear display to all the folks queuing behind me and my wedding tackle almost smacking the poor guard in the face.
I'm sure it was only a few seconds but that moment of standing completely revealed in the middle of a busy airport seemed to stretch on for an eternity. Luckilly, being a regular of this and other similar sites I was able to see the humour in the situation and I'm pretty certain the guard was more embarrassed that I was, especially as the only thing I could think to say at the time was "Are you going to drop yours now as well to make up for this?" Shockingly he didn't and I was allowed to rather quickly pull my jeans back up and retrieve my belt before any further nasty accidents occurred.
The up side of the situation is it certainly makes for an entertaining story, and also reminds me a little of an ENF story I was thinking of writing a while back which I may start up again now, which may get posted here before too long.
Oh, and if anyone's wondering, yes, I did wear boxer shorts for the flight home. Page 1 |
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Date: 01:29pm June 9th, 2014
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